i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
im so bored in class... i just made a pie graph of my favorite bars and a bar graph of my favorite pies
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
That's what you get for dating construction workers you meet in tunnels.
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
