We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
Have you ever just woke up in the morning and felt pregnant
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Randomize
