You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Woke up pants less in the vacant apartment across the hall. It was unlocked because they were showing it to someone. When they walked in I woke up and said "this is a great place to live" and walked out
My life is pants optional.
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