I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
Even the bartender felt bad for me
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
Randomize