He disabled his match.com account in front of me
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
Randomize
