Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
The best thing about this time of year is that all I have to do is add a random mardi gras decoration to my cart full of alcohol and boom, no more judging
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Randomize
