the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
before we left she put a post-it on the floor next to the toilet saying she was a pretty pretty princess
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Damn you. I'm in a bar with Southern Jesus Fearing Blah Blah Rednecks WHO ARE PROBABLY VOTING FOR TRUMP and you go radio silent.
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
So here I am, sexting at work.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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