party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
is it true that cum stays in you for 7 years?
that's gum
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
I just got a voicemail from some strange woman with a Russian accent. Are you ok?
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
And for today's main disappontment. I thought I saw a midget with fireworks get on the buss, alas it's a child with cleaning supplies
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
We should get drunk in walmart
when?
20 minutes ago
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