It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
how drunk are you?
Several
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
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