apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
I just sneezed and had an orgasam..THAT turned on
everyone contributed. i held her hair back, he rubbed my vag... it was a team effort.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Randomize
