don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
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