I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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