just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
You know you are bi when you flip between the NFL Network and LOGO.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
The poor thing was so drunk they wheeled his motorcycle into the bar. I just dropped him off to pick it up. The best walk of shame ever.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
please come upstairs a drunk asian is lying down n the middle of my room and i don't know him
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I ate the most amazing corn dog today.
I will probably dream about it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
