Why does Thanksgiving make hot girls feel disgusting and fat girls feel horny? Its killing my prospects.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
He asked me If i had cheated on my boyfriend when I said no he said it's like he doesnt know me anymore
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
