So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
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