i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
where does the pee come out of this thing
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
