so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
No more Irish car bombs ever.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
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