He asked me if I "almost moaned"
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i told him im from Canada, abortion is free
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
The smoke alarm went off as soon as we opened the closet.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Randomize
