my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
is 250 jello shots considered an open container?
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
