home. puking in laundry basket.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
When I finally came to, I was in the DJ booth wearing his headphones while he was spinning. That's all I got.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
Randomize
