Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I'm trying to cause a divorce, your hooking up with a felon, I think we need Jesus.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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