I am in a vortex of obligation.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
Randomize
