I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
i wish peter jackson would direct porn
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
She said she wouldn't get out of hand. When the cops showed up she jumped off the 4ft high porch and fell into a ditch. She then buried herself because she was wearing light pants and though the light from the cops flashlights would reflect off her pants. We couldn't find her for 40 minutes.
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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