do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
She made me go with her to get a pregnancy test since she's missed a few birth control pills. She made me park in the "expectant mothers" spot at CVS and preceded to ask if it would be in the pest control section.
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
Randomize
