for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
Randomize
