I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Let's pretend this is a good idea before I change my mind.
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Randomize