dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
So vagazzling was a success
Randomize
