I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
my neighbors are having lesbo sex right now.
I'm on my way.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
Randomize
