So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
I think I may have some undocumented and undiscovered std that causes girls to go bat shit crazy. How you got it is beyond me
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I found Erin. She's getting a back massage from the coat check boy and drinking all his whiskey.
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
Randomize
