just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
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