it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
When I start carrying a bottle in my hand, jumping from boat to boat with a grenade horn. YOU should know this isn't going to turn out well.
Everyone already knows you're a drunk, they understand.
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
