just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
what day is it and did you see me today?
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
i am breaking up with you. because you wash your hair too much and you only drink light beer and because you're not party enough.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
Party bus got out of hand. Some guy pissed himself. Later, he couldn't find his house keys, so he kicked the back door in.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
He asked the waiter, at 6:40 am, drunk, if they served alcohol. After he said no, he's like 'well, I guess we can eat then.'
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
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