I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
High enough to fry lime slices.....tasted like shit, by the way
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Some girl woke me up at 1:30 am looking for weed and the next thing I know I'm in a hot tub with 3 girls, 2 40's, and a blunt.
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Randomize
