I'm totally gay for Miss Californiaaaaaa
oh sweet, sweet irony
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
The fairy wings and cowboy hats were not the issue. The bag of cocaine that I held in the air as we drove in the parade might have been.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
Randomize
