walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
The amount of guys I've turned down for you is disgusting... You better love me.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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