Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Oooo. Can we pretend to be Amanda Bynes?
She bought wigs like Disney princesses. I want to be her.
I would just like to say that I had morning sex today to the Hamilton soundtrack. So.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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