Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
no. you can't hotbox the world.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Just had a serious bathroom emergency at walmart a and it appears that i ate a taco bell burrito wrapper last night
6 other girls and I took an ice cream truck to the bar when we couldn't get a cab. Best birthday ever.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
tbh I think I just dated him for his dogs in the first place.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
