Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
You've never sent a girl a dick pic?
Call me old fashioned
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
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