I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
In other news I was masturbating last night and came really fucking hard to the thought of yelling at a customer....
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
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