I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Come over and help me clean up your so-called "winter wonderland" that you made with the fire extinguisher in the kitchen last night.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
can you please explain how one drink turns into 5 street signs with their poles lying around my room
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize