finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
Randomize
