I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
Omg just had weirdest best cab advice situation ever. I kissed the cabbies hand as I was leaving like he was the pope and cried
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
