We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
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