nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Randomize
