bras are like tupperware for tits, keeps em fresh.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
we had incredible sex, then he proposed with the vibrating cock ring
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
