i permit you to call me
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
If I started a story with "That three-year-old totally deserved it," would you listen?
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I'm sitting here with a band aid on my labia, this is a first
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