I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
I'm on a no morals kick. That'll be 3 girls in 24 hours....ending 2011 with a bang
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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