I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
My mom said "I don't want to fund your drug problem" so she gave me a gift card to the book store. I now have a 420 page book on growing weed.
Who are these men, what are we doing here, how is this helping us toward our goals of sex and pasta? Things to consider.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
We're listening to space jam. This can only be a good omen.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Just cried because I'm out of oreos. This post-molly depression can go fuck itself.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
I feel like I haven't slapped your ass in years. This will be awesome.
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
