Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
He stood up, threw the bag of bud between me and Tory, yelled "Fight" and then ran upstairs for the pizza
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
