Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
Randomize
