Would it be quicker to bike the freeway home?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I just threw up all of my lunch in the Barnes & Nobles parking lot. Rockbottom tastes like a veggie burger, in case you were wondering.
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
fuck emotions I should've gotten more cats
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
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