He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Fun fact of the day: Our cat does not like rum.
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
Found a grenade pin. Still no Dave.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Randomize
