i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
You ordered a "mcblizzard" and yelled @ the worker for false advertisement because she didn't flip your "mcblizzard" upsidedown. You wanted it free. I'd say mcdonalds daytime workers need to be trained in dealing with daytime drunks too. She didn't know what to do.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
Sex with him was like teaching a two year old how to work a machine gun
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
I know I'm not the first to fuck in a park but i deserve props for doing it at 3pm. On a sunny day might I add.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
