6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I don't know what's worse the the fact he has worn a protective cup for last 3 years in fear of being kicked in the balls. Or the fact that the one day he decides to throw caution to the wind and doesn't wear it and actually gets kicked in the balls.
Who in tha hell do u hang out with?
Everybody shut up a minute, we need to discuss how much nicer the world would be if pants weren't a thing.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
Got drunk in Atlantic City Flagged down some guy with two wrapped tampons like road flares for a cigarette.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
I collect Covid conspiracy theories like I collect Pokemon.
Randomize
