Pappa wants mamma naked
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
I am not betting on the failure of any friend that is not you.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
Randomize
