He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
My booty call said shes done doing the walk of shame. Wtf is that?
It's what anyone that sleeps with you, specifically, does when they leave. Some do it even when they just think of you.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
My boyfriend just sent me flowers. I am now crying at the fact i fucked my fat neighbor. God please help me.
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Made him watch 4 hours of HGTV then told him I was too tired for sex.
Savage
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Randomize
