I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
Only thing worse than going to work with a hangover is going to work with a hangover then realizing that u don't have to work that day
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
Randomize
