the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
Oh. He liked you.
Then you said "Are you asian?, I didn't know there was Asians in Colorado."
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
I just baptized you in budweriser and you were cool with it
Randomize
