It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
Randomize
