He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
My three rules on what I'm wearing tonight. Something short, something see through, and something i had sex in.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
I went to smoke a bowl and realized that my lighter is out and there's still frozen blueberries in my bong... I need to reevaluate my life...
I'll be wearing lingerie and holding a bottle of bourbon so pick up whatever food you think goes with that
Randomize