I can tuck mytits in my pants
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
Farmville is her only friend.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
