Sry I called you an 8
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Pandora played an ad for a free trial for an abortion pill if you’ve had unprotected sex in the last 2-3 days and then Lucky came on... I literally am dying laughing
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