Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I am so so sorry I bit your butt last night. Twice.
Randomize
