my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Are we going to go home and do it or do I have time to eat my nachos bell grande first?
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
Randomize
