I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
i'm too stoned to be pregnant. the kicking is morse code for wanting beef jerky.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I tried to make friends with the geese living behind Hughes. They didn't really like that idea.
Are you high?
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
