Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
He dropped some cash when he got in my front seat upside down. And a hat. I'm keeping them as retribution for not remembering that he had sex with me once before. Although, if he didn't have his dick pierced, I wouldn't have remembered either.
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
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