Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
All you need to do now is invest in a Speedo and start going door to door.
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I just had a fifteen minute conversation with a Raccoon by the garbage bin. I was feeding it chex mix.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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