anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
They won't let me buy alcohol in the airport until 9am. Super judgemental
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
Randomize
