P.S. I can't hear my feet
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
i'm ready for this baby to gtfo so i can get coked out.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
I've decided to have sex with him one more time to make sure I don't like him
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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