vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And theres a reasonable expectation that if you're fighting over a pair of yoga pants on the ground at VS someones gonna videotape it
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
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