is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
