what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
He said I showed up in just my underwear and a bunch of towels I stole from the party I was at.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
I have the WORST hangover. Pretty sure my liver fell out while taking a dump. THAT bad.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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