note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Between the walk of shame, bar fight, karaoke, injuries, number of bar check-ins, and variety/quantity of alcohols and Advil consumed, I'd say HookerFest 2012 was a raging success.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
like stop just cause your whole life has been one enormous reject pile does not mean that i have to suffer too
Do I get bonus points if I get lockjaw after a cosmic blowjob?
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
