I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Also I played a weird game of chicken in the ladies room at work between myself the person pooping 2 stalls over and a very determined maintenance man.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
Sex in a hot air balloon, top that one!
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
