I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Good. Need a drinking partner later. FOR AMERICA!!!
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
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