I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
So I slept with some guy last night and when I woke up in the am couldnt remember his name. I text him n asked "How do you spell your name?" to try n find out and all he replied was "With an A." WTF!?
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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