I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
How long is it safe to eat only Hot Pockets and Popsicles?
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Randomize
