I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have to take his virginity. It's what God put me on earth for. It's my life mission.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dear future Eric, sorry about the Everclear. Sincerely, Eric +2 shots E.C.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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