Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
