How do 1 in 4 women misread a pregnancy test; how stupid are women?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Leaving the dealer's house. He just gave me a sincere hug and said good luck. This cant end well.
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
Randomize
