Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
