After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I'm missing my class because I'm not done with my beer
I woke up covered in my own vomit with a pocket full of napkins. I guess I knew I would need them, but was not coherent enough to use them before passing out.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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