i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Hate sex is good. Drunk sex is better. Combine those two however and you get the best experience of your LIFE.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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