Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
I have never fucking hated the horrible sound of dozens of off-key recorders BLARING their fucked rendition of "Fais Do-Do" in unison against the screams of an adult male... more than I do now. This is why people avoid teaching. Kill me. End it all.
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
