Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I think the phrase "baptist college" should be an oxymoron.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I need to reevaluate. My boss gave me drug money. I overslept on my couch. And I had my student teacher go to McDonald's and get an egg mcmuffin for me.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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